By Danielle,

Most Attractive Men

9/24/2012 DK 6 Comments

Walk a mile in her shoes
Purely my opinion, but I can't think of anyone sexier than a man who can show respect and compassion for things (whatever it may be) without feeling embarrassed. It could be for racism, feminism, animal rights or even for environmental causes. 

Society has limited both men and women in their abilities and willingness to express their emotions - women who express their feelings are too "naggy", "sensitive", "clingy"; men who express their feelings are "girly", "gay", and just plain "weird".

Well, why do we let other people define who we are in some meaningless categories? 

In my opinion, being "manly" doesn't mean being physically and emotionally tough - especially when the idea of emotional toughness is being emotionally challenged as a lot of men are in our society. Being "manly" is just being a "male" (however you distinguish genders) but that's it. I know men feel sad, rejected, upset, and scared. So why are they taught to deceive us into thinking they don't? What do they get out of it? Absolutely nothing! They are no longer able to freely express how they feel; They have to constantly tell themselves the same lies over and over again: "I'm a man, I'm tough. I don't cry, that's what girls do".

Being "girly" doesn't mean anything, either. Do we have to wear a skirt and heels, say "aww" when we look at puppies, and shave ourselves silly to look like 10-year-olds, dye our hair and just cake on shit loads of makeup, in order to pass as a girl?

I don't know how this has gotten this far, but can we put some sense back into our society now and unlearn all the crappy things like this?

I want to live in a place in which a man can cry freely when he feels sad, and show empathy and sympathy for things. Men like that are so rare today that they stand out as if they're aliens. But hey, at least they stand out in a good way, at least in my eyes.

Of course, there are things I want improved for us women, too, but that's a whole 'nother story.

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  1. I completely agree with you on this. I'm a guy and I've always been told that I'm not allowed to cry or be scared. I would tease girls for being emotional as well. I never really thought of it this way before, but you're right. Sometimes I'm just like "fuck, why do I always have to pretend to be the protector and the tough one?". Though, I'm still not going to be comfortable with showing my emotions because I'm too used to being like this.
    But hey, I kinda showed my feelings here, so that must count towards something? haha
    Nice post!

  2. Good for you for making a start! :)
    I think that once we change the way we distinguish genders, we will be closer to gender equality. Thanks for sharing your experience!

  3. You probably know my feelings on this subject already Dani, but as with almost everything I would love to talk about it in more detail with you.
    As you well know, I am definitely one of those men. Men who have their manliness questioned because they express emotions, care about other men or by some amazing twist of nature happen to care about the people the love and have invested time and feelings in.
    I found in high school that I was often alone in my opinions on this subject. It took until around the age of 18 and mostly online that I met other male friends who shared these same values and had been persecuted as well because of them as well as women who actually value other traits of men other than : acts strong when he isn't, lies to everyone about his feelings, lies to himself about everything etc etc.

    It is still such a common perception that men shouldn't cry, they shouldn't give a shit about anyone else and they absolutely shouldn't show 'weakness' (as if healthily expressing ones feelings could ever be a sign of being weak in some way)
    But yes it is sad to say in my experience, that over 75% of the insults that I received about not being a 'REAL MAN' came from women. The same women who had been complaining about how their boyfriends never showed their feelings just days beforehand.

    Anyway, there absolutely has to be change. I do what I can to change the minds of those I come in contact with, but of course, it is rarely enough to sway them.
    Wonderful post as always Danielle, thanks.

    1. I love that you share your feelings, and it's such a shame that "sharing feelings" is a girls-only thing in our society. I have to admit that I've been one of those people with that perception that it's "unmanly" for guys to be emotionally "soft", and I can't believe how stupid I have been. After all, I wouldn't want to marry a man who's incapable of talking to me about his problems and letting me help him. Nor would I want to be with a guy who would dismiss my feelings as some "girly" thing and shrug it off.

      I'm with you on your point about some women preferring their men to be "tough" while complaining to nice guys about how much of an asshole their partner is as well. I think both genders need to encourage each other to break this useless gender distinction. I want men to encourage natural beauty in women and to respect women as being just as intelligent as men. And women would need to encourage men to become more outspoken about their inner feelings and let them know that emotional availability and strength are more attractive than physical strength.

      I'm glad that you've found at least some people who are similar to you - that is, emotionally intelligent. It's given me a perspective on this matter because I never really thought about how difficult it might be for some men. It's great that you didn't let it reshape your personality as some closed-up "tough" guy!

      In the end, it COULD all come down to individual differences (some might just not want to talk about their feelings or care about other things/people) but humans are social beings, and to be a "successful human being" we would need to know how to socialise and communicate PROPERLY.
      Thanks for your comment, Shaughn, it's given me some insight into how a guy might actually feel about this subject. :)

  4. One thing I admire about you Dani, is that you can realize mistakes you have made in the past and change yourself for the better.
    We've known each other a long time at this point and I've seen you improve yourself countless times, which is a wonderful thing to witness.
    Just the fact that you could change your views on this very subject gives hope to me and to everyone else out there who is persecuted for not fitting in specific gender stereotypes, both male and female.
    You're welcome, anytime you wish to know my views on something you can always ask me.

  5. Thank you! And I'm glad I can share this maturing and learning process with you and that you're able to understand it as an improvement rather than just some "pretentious" stage I'm going through. I've been looking outside of my own group of friends to find people who are similar to me, but turns out I've had you all this time! Silly me :)